1 Dollar, 3 Tries

Hi, I'm back here right now.

So, today I'm intending to actually do a complete change in terms of my character. So summary of what had happened recently, was that I have been talking to this girl called Ariel since CNY, and yeap, we went out for movies, meals etc. But right now, she is having some sorts of feelings for me as well as Yi Hao. I'm really confused right now, I can handle my emotions & feelings regarding Ariel but for YH case, i really don't know because every single relationship I have to face such problems.

I guess its fated.

As much as I cannot bear to, but alrights, i will be a gentleman and wish the 2 of them, everlasting relationship (:

God Bless.

Lost Soul

3 months 24 days, 115 days in total, close to 4 months. Shouldn't it be long enough for me to wake up and make a change in life? Only me, myself can make a change in my life. This past 115 days, many things changed, or should i say improved in terms of this relationship. 

We don't talk as much, don't text as much, we are of more stranger context. Claiming to be friends with me, yet i don't see it, I lost all the self respect i have got for myself, because I felt like a dog to be honest. Being there for you 24/7, even if it doesn't concerns me, but I will be there without fail. Yet everything is being taken for granted, no point telling you all this now, because nothing would change. I would just want to believe and think in the way that, you are happier with you're life now. I will just tone down, oh fuck I'm confused. I wish that probably the next time i doing a post again, more things would change for the better. I live my life for the sake of living it, there isn't much meaning as of now.

1 Month 6 Days

Its the 1 month and 6 days, whenever my phone vibrates, how much i wished it was you. I felt so pathetic after the break up, I miss the old, robust and steady me. Where are you JJ?

Everyone sees me as an overly attached guy, a guy that cannot let go, a guy that has no pride. I don't like this too, but to me shes really just that important, that i want to be part of her life. Even not as a boyfriend, but at least being beside her, allows me to feel safe, feel  happy.

I shouldn't think this way, because its relying on her. She said she will decide for me that we will stay as strangers, take it as i haven't known her, whenever we walk past, take it like we don't know each other, during training, we will just train and fight alongside as teammate and nothing more. You know how much it fucking hurts, you wouldn't know, the pain you are suffering isn't as much as mine.

I loved you way too much, i regretted this relationship because it didn't end up as a friendship even after the break. I should have be more open minded and let it go in the first place. I led myself to where i am today. Sorry aiseen, i will make it up to you in my next life. I know you care for me still, but you chose not to show it.

I'm lost, I'm just a small lost kid in a lost world. I hope i can wake up soon. I really don't wish to take my last option to forget which is to find another girl to substitute you. Its really a very cb move, so i will try my best till i have no choice but to go for the last option.

Take care buds.

DAY 28

Its the 28th day that we are gone. It seems like we broke off just a week ago, days for the past 28th day doesn't seems easy too me either.

I initially left the team on Friday, 19 June, but honestly deep down I cannot bear the team, the bond, the friendship and everything. But I feel that NO ONE can ever understand how I feel. It isn't that I have a choice sometimes.

As I am typing this, my mind seems so bizarre, I don't know where to start. Common test is just the week after and I'm not even 1/4 done at all.

Yesterday she said she isn't gonna sugar coat me anymore, so she said " you lead your own life, bear your own consequences. If you want to lead your life, want die don't want die like that, then go ahead ".

It doesn't affect me in anyway, but it just makes me feel like a fool for allowing others to understand me. Because I know everyone is thinking how childish and willful my thoughts are. But to be honest, everyone thinks the same way its either if they want to project it or not. Thanks guise, I will not say my thoughts to anyone. No one will understand me.

Friendship wouldn't be the same anymore either.

I will live my life alone. Fuck life.

Hi Blog,

Today is the first day or first instance that I'm gonna stop texting aiseen in any way. It's hurting, i deleted her numbers and contact details as well.

She had deleted all our Instagram pictures today. She said that " I need to know my limits, otherwise before things fuxk up which we may not even be friends again ".

This finally hit me so hard that i'm wide awake. It gonna hurt so badly, I gonna miss u. But i wont be waiting on you anymore, because if i let go, definitely we wouldn't be together anymore. If i can let go once for my ex, although it took a year for me to completely let go, i believe i can do it once more.

I did what i can do for you, i did my best. Sadly there's always a goodbye to everything.

I will constantly remind myself not to worry for you, i will just tell myself that the world has millions of girls out there that need help but i cannot help everyone too. Definetly one day there will be a guy that will come into your life and change your perspective of relationship, I'm sorry i will not be there to stay.

If you need help, i will definitely stay to help you. TBH,you took me for granted, all your excuses you gave for the break up was not valid. The real reason was you didn't love me enough that when you went to China, your love for me faded.

I believe you will be able to distract yourself well if it does hurts. If it doesn't than good for you. 

Tough road ahead, but tough times don't last, tough people do(:

I will forever remember the memories you left for me, no point in turning back now. Since you either have no more feelings for me or have already moved on. Gambateh JJ, you can do this alone. ALONE.

I believe one day you will find a guy that will love you more than i do. I pray for you, definitely i will give you my blessing from afar. Although my feeling is that you have certain feelings for YongXun, but if you think he's the right one for you. Go ahead(:

Friends too doesn't last forever, treasure them if you find any good friends. That's my best advice for you.


The tiny wish I have is just that you will stay in my life forever. It will never ever happen. I will just live day by day for the sake of it.